I’ve been staring at my computer screen for almost an hour. Trying to find the words to put on a blank page to sum up a year. I’ve looked through photos from the past year waiting for inspiration to strike…it did not. My thoughts brought me back to the beginning again. Back to where the blog began two years ago…with honesty and staying true to myself. It hasn’t failed me yet, so here we go.
2017 really started in April for me. The months leading up to it were great; full of adventure and memories. But it’s when I think back over the past 12 months of my life that I will always come back to April.
It started with a necklace. I have worn it for the past nine months. Serving as a reminder whenever I look at it to stop, take a breath and refocus. On this necklace is a key with the word faith pressed into it.
I came across it in Los Angeles in a moment I needed a little more faith than usual. During this time I was on annual leave from work and taking each day as it came along. I knew a few places I wanted to travel to, but didn’t have a definite plan in place. This particular day I was exploring a new part of the city and stumbled upon a shop…I ended up getting this necklace as a souvenir of my trip. Little did I know at the time, but it was about to set me onward to my favourite adventure of last year.
I find when traveling solo, you instantly become aware to your strengths and weaknesses. This trip made me acutely aware of my own, bringing my weaknesses to the surface and making me work through them to discover new moments of strength. This was made apparent on one of my final days in Yosemite National Park. I was starting out on a hike which I should have started on a couple of hours prior, but being this close and not attempting it wasn’t really an option.
I started the hike with enthusiasm and excitement. This however, changed with every group or person I passed. The thing I learned about the hiking community (or perhaps it was bigger insight into humanity itself), is that everyone gave me their analysis. Firstly, of the track and secondly of my own personal progress along the way. With every group, I was met with the same general response: “you’ve started the trail a little late, haven’t you”? Or, “how far up the trail are you thinking about reaching”?
The more my response of “the summit” was met with confused and concerned expressions, the more my enthusiasm decreased and I began to second guess my decision. Was I just being stubborn and trying to do something that wasn’t achievable, or was it more than that. Was it legitimately not safe?
I lost count of how many people dissuaded me with their thoughts. Honestly, I almost gave up about two thirds of the way up the mountain and retreated back to the safety of the carpark. This is, until I got to a small clearing through the trees. I stopped and glanced over the valley below me and then the top of the mountain behind me. I looked down and saw the key around my neck. Faith.
Have faith. You have not come this far to only go this far.
In that moment, everything changed. I became determined to reach as far up that mountain as I could. I still got the same comments from passing hikers, but the funny thing was the closer I got to the top the more the comments changed. Instead of being met with opinion, I was suddenly met with encouragement. I specifically remember what a couple of guys told me when I was about 30 minutes from the summit: “You’re so close…you can do it”. When multiple voices told me I couldn’t, one told me I could.
Guess which one I listened to? I reached the top and received a lesson I will never forget: to have faith and let go.
To have faith is a big thing. To have faith and let go is something even bigger. It involves complete surrender of control and forces you to let go and trust in the unknown. To have faith, by definition is to have ‘confidence or trust in a person or thing’. This does not come easily to me and I still battle with it most days. Im not saying it will be easy (I can almost guarantee it won’t be). But I am saying it will be worth it.
2017 taught me a lot of things and looking back most of them stemmed from that trip. To have these amazing experiences when traveling is one thing…but it’s when I got back to reality and the normalcies of day to day life, that the struggles and challenges became apparent again. Like most people, I was beyond ready to say goodbye to 2017. Last year was a really hard year, full of challenges and subsequently a lot of personal growth.
I know I can’t change some of the things that happened last year, oh how I wish I could somedays…but that wouldn’t teach me anything. Ultimately how would I learn anything new if life was easy all the time? I had to go though dark moments to see every shade of life amplified in its richest colours.
Much like the beginning of last year, I don’t really have a plan for this year. At this stage I’m just taking it a day at a time. Taking time to pause and listen. Listening for the voice telling me I can, in a world trying to tell me I can’t.
2018, you’re up.
Sending hugs & smiles,
Vanessa
Necklace is from The Giving Keys:
https://www.thegivingkeys.com
