Everyone who loves to travel has a ‘travel list’. Some are scribbled down in notebooks, others a mental list. Mine seemed to be growing faster than I could check places off. After being in London for a year I realised just how much travel had become part of my life. The majority of that year I had done trips with friends and family, but the question arose after a while…why was I waiting around to go to these places I had only dreamed of, when I could just go myself?
Valid point right? So, I did. I got on a train and went away for a few days. Not only to visit a new place, but to prove to myself that I could. Little did I know at the time, this would be the start of some pretty incredible solo adventures. Trips that have taught me about new places and cultures, but just as much about myself. From Cardiff to Hallstatt and a whole bunch in between, I wouldn’t trade them for anything.
At the beginning of this year, when I started to embark on my 2017 travel list, things felt different, but I pushed all my concerns to the back of my mind and went on as I usually did. I went through the basic steps to plan a trip…book flights, accommodation and transfers. The thing I wasn’t expecting…to be hit with fear as soon as I stepped foot into the airport. Fear so bad, I had to force myself to get on the flight. This hadn’t happened before, and it terrified me. Everything was sorted and ready to go, all I had to do was walk to the gate and step onto the aircraft.
That flight was one of the worst flights of my life. Not because of the crew or the airline (they were both amazing and incredibly helpful), but because I was on the verge of a panic attack…for the entire two hour flight. Fear had a hold of me so tightly, I was convinced that I was going to get off that aircraft, clear customs and buy the first ticket back to London. Not kidding. Back to safety and all my creature comforts. So, what happened? Well, I walked down the stairs attached to the aircraft, into the crisp winter air and it began to snow. Pure, white snow. Snow so beautiful, I was completely enveloped by its beauty. An internal decision was made in that moment. Faith was going to overcome fear.
That trip to Austria was one of the most influential I have ever embarked on. It was everything I needed and more. To get away for a few days, relax and refocus. Now I would love to say that I haven’t had to deal with fear in the way again, but I have. Most trips I have taken so far this year, have in some way involved an element of fear. I’m in the midst of this and am slowly learning…fear is a precursor to revelation. This year, the trips I am taking feel different. Like there is more weight to them. As though there is something I need to be taught in the midst of transit. These moments are ones I need to go through to grow in faith.
As I write this I am sitting in one of my new favourite cafes in the arts district of Los Angeles and tomorrow I am going to embark on another adventure. Driving in one of the busiest cities in the world on the opposite side of the road I am accustomed to. My destination: Yosemite National Park. Another one of my dream places to visit. Once again, fear is hanging over me. I would be lying if I didn’t say it was having an effect. But heres the thing…if there’s new revelation on the other side of this fear, then faith will overcome it again. The only thing fear is going to do is stop me from doing, is living…and theres no chance I’m letting that happen.
Sending hugs & smiles,
Vanessa
